How can one be self at home and free to do things?

My father was not in best tune with my Grandfather beloved, who wanted my father to take over the farm. Dad wanted to be an archeological scientist, but since he should finance his education with no support from his dad, he decided to study to become a primary school teacher and then use his freetime to perform his archeological studies as an autodidactic self taught person. He has done that with utmost grace and attitude :-)
Dad and I also had to seperate. I was alone, doing things on my own, with him as a seldom visitor in my life. It ended up with a final brake. Nevertheless today I reap what I learned, standing all these eternal hours watching my dad doing his scientific studies, when I wanted him to play with me.
To focus so entirely at a scientific subject gives good results, but it has a high price. Loosing the close connections to some of ones relatives.
It's the same with my eldest son and I, like it was with my Grandfather and my father. My eldest son has also cut me off, thinking he can do much better without me than with me.
Off course he can :-)
I'm not complayning what my closest ancestors did to each other.
I'm personally involved too.
I will say, having achieved freedom for quarrels with my eldest son
gave me so much more good energy to come through with my own urgent purposals. Like my father in relation to his father.
And my grandfather in relation to his father.

A grown up man is a man who alone has found his way through the wilderness and darkness to unite with the inner spirit of his own souls purpose :-)
Why shouldn't my son have success with this just like me, dad and granddad?

Dad visited me at home alone once I was a grown up man in a divorce from my wife and children. All his life he has told me of his bad consciousness for not playing with me when I was a child.
He came to tell me that any successful scientist like him had had his success due to the offer of being with close relatives like a someone related.
He had studied the subject closely and found, that any successful had had to pay the same price.

Hmmm... Maybe I should say then: Daddy could pay this price, so can I.
I simply hate people to feel sorry for me, since I am not at all something to feel sorry for.

I am vizualising he one day will see me through his own lookingglasses and say to him self: Yes.
My eldest son is the one who is carrying my own values out better than none :-)

Possibly this wont happen before he is dead and have become alive again in the heavens. He has once given the command to me, he wants the ashes of his dead body spread out from a helicopter over the lakes of Lapland, which is the place at earth he feels most connected with by heart.

Daddy does not believe in life after death but I do, and we do have a family bible being more than 500 years old. Any time some one in the family died they wrote in the bible: See you in heaven :-)

See you in heaven Dad ;-) LOL!!!